A taste of love in a simple way

Fic: "Insanity Underrated" (BSG, Kara/Lee, 11/?)

2009-11-18T04:10:31Z

Yep, I've got yet another one! Shit got done tonight, I tell you what. :D

Title: Insanity Underrated
Author: amidala_thrace
Previous Chapters: Can be read here.
Characters/Pairings: Kara/Lee
Word Count: 3,151
Spoilers: Through S2's "Home, Part 1"
Rating: PG
Summary: Every time she thought of the situation she was in, the decisions she had to make, panic seized her and closed her throat.
Author's Notes: This is where the fic truly begins to deserve the AU label, as ongoing events start to intervene and deflect the characters from their canonical paths. We're still working within the framework of canon, though, so there's some familiar dialogue as well. :) There's also mention of some controversial topics, but I do hope that everyone who reads this will take those in the spirit in which they were intended, as a civil discussion rather than a condemnation either way.

Read it here @ jedionpaper

Musings on writing

2009-11-15T17:42:16Z

New icon! I, uh, thought it suited me. ;)

So, surprisingly, this is a non-fic update, sandwiched in between me doing Saturday chores on Sunday. Believe it or not I actually put down on my to-do list "Update LJ with something other than fic updates" just to prove how pathetic I am. Heh. But I have been writing a lot lately, and as I was saying to trialia the other night, I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that I'm not buried neck-deep in papers and essays and assignments and reading and studying for the first time in ... well, since I can remember, really. November has historically been a really shitty month for me creatively due to all the deadlines, such that I have usually been able to get almost no writing done because of school. Obviously, school had to be the focus when I was still attending it, but I'm not gonna lie, it drove me UP THE WALL sometimes when I had to start on the umpteenth paper or whatever instead of writing.

This year I've got none of that, and so my muse has gone into absolute overdrive. Which is AWESOME. :D I whipped out two chapters of Insanity Underrated this past week and another last night, and I am praying to the fic gods that I can continue to use all this free-floating inspiration to push through the rest of the S2 arc and perhaps even into S3. That would be SO awesome, and might even allow me to finish up this fic by the time 2010 rolls around. Which would be more awesome still. Unlikely, perhaps, but awesome. I adore Insanity Underrated, I honestly do, but I don't particularly want to spend almost three years working on it like I have with To Ignite the Stars. Granted, TIS was always going to be a much longer and more ambitious project, and I knew that going in, but it still kind of ticks me off that it will be three years come June 2010 that I started it, and I am not even anywhere CLOSE to being finished. Real life has had a lot to do with that, since various collections of catastrophes have befallen me since June 2007, but still. I've never been able to write fast. It is a slow, painstaking process for me. I wish I could do it faster. >.>

Anyway. Reaction to the last three IU chapters has been overwhelmingly positive, and once again I won't lie - that is a HUGE relief to me. Normally I don't care so much what reviewers think ... I mean, I'm always happy for constructive criticism, and I value each and every comment that I receive, but at the same time my life doesn't revolve around them. I would write the longfics regardless of whether anyone else read them or commented on them, because once those plots got inside me, I had to get them out and write them. My writing has always been first and foremost for me, because I enjoy it and I need to write like most people need food and water. (At no time was that clearer to me than early this November ... as I shall discuss below.) Readers and comments and praise are just very awesome bonuses. :D

But with this latest plotline in Insanity Underrated, I was extremely nervous. The plot point in question had been in the outline from the very beginning, and is in fact one of the linchpins of the fic, so it needed to be included. But on the other hand, it deals with a sensitive subject - sensitive to Kara, anyway, and to me as well - and I had serious doubts about my ability to handle it even as Katie and I were outlining. Then all the shit in July happened and I became even less sure, because I knew that the plot I'd so carefully planned out in advance would now contain some pretty serious triggers for me. I said in an early LJ post when I was still in the hospital that I'd keep going with my longfics as usual, but at that point, and through most of the summer, they were actually in serious danger of being abandoned.

I hadn't ever considered doing that before, and I am glad to say that I have not since. I hasten to emphasize that I will definitely finish both To Ignite the Stars and Insanity Underrated (plot point and all) as planned. :) In the end I decided to continue because, as I said, both fics are something that I have to write, just like I have to breathe, and because they actually ended up bringing me far more comfort and solace than I had thought they could. Again, the past two weeks have provided ample proof of this. :D

But goddamn was I nervous about Insanity Underrated. I'd seen other people deal with the same type of plot point, i.e. Kara getting pregnant, but they seemed to handle it so much better than I thought I could. The thing too was that most of those fics I had read were set after "Epiphanies" and Roslin's ban on abortion, which basically provided a blanket reason why Kara would not seek such a procedure. A lot of fics, to their credit, still had her going to the president and asking for an exception, but that was almost uniformly not granted.

With Insanity Underrated I deliberately decided to have the pregnancy occur before "Epiphanies" for a number of reasons, some of which I can disclose, and some of which I can't (spoilers, hehe). Primarily among them was that I wanted to analyze Kara's reaction to a pregnancy that she could potentially make a choice about. Setting the pregnancy after "Epiphanies" would have removed that choice and would, in my opinion, have amounted to taking the "easy way out." (Please note that I am NOT criticizing fics which do this - that is of course up to the discretion of each individual author, and they are free to do whatever they want with their fic. I'm just trying to explain why I did not feel that having Kara's pregnancy occur after "Epiphanies" would be the best thing for Insanity Underrated.) I really wanted to get inside her head with this and puzzle out what she would do and how she would feel ... and no, I can't tell you her decision yet. Heh.

But I was scared of how readers would react. I was afraid that I as a writer wouldn't be able to portray Kara in-character and that, even if I did, readers would automatically assume some kind of deus ex machina would come into play to make for a happy ending (or maybe even a non-happy ending) and that they would be put off by that. I thought some readers might be turned off by the idea of a potential babyfic, even a partial one, even one that was and is by no means a sure thing.

Some of these fears certainly still exist, and I don't think they'll totally go away until I write and post the parts in which Kara makes her decision and learns to cope with the consequences of that decision. But I'm certainly more reassured than I was when I began the fic, and I'm determined to see it through.

I began Chapter 11 last night, and wrote exactly 900 words of it before going to bed. In keeping with the unofficial NaNoWriMo theme, my word count since the start of November is 10,024, which, although probably still way behind where I should be if I was actually doing NaNo, is not too bad for me. This is, of course, not counting the work I did on the fic before November - Insanity Underrated is, in total, 29,860 words long right now.

*crosses her fingers* Fic gods willing, I should have more for you guys relatively soon. :)

Fic: "Insanity Underrated" (BSG, Kara/Lee, 10/?)

2009-11-15T02:06:35Z

I am feeling rather accomplished these days. I'm sure you can figure out why. ;)

Title: Insanity Underrated
Author: amidala_thrace
Previous Chapters: Can be read here.
Characters/Pairings: Kara/Lee primarily, with mentions of Helo/Sharon
Word Count: 3,156
Spoilers: Through S2's "Home, Part 1"
Rating: PG
Summary: “Kara,” he whispered, while his heart sang with relief.
Author's Notes: THE REUNION!!!! *squee!* Ahem. Yes. I have been looking forward to that for quite some time, as you may be able to tell. ;) It was so much fun to write, as upcoming chapters will also be. :D

Read it here @ jedionpaper

Fic: "Insanity Underrated" (BSG, Kara/Lee, 8/? and 9/?)

2009-11-10T22:30:01Z

I have once again committed fic! Whee! Basically, I have done nothing but write since I posted my last f-locked entry, and it has helped. A lot. I am so grateful to Insanity Underrated for pulling me out of this latest funk. It sounds so silly to be dependent on a FIC like this, but that's the way it is. Anyway, I have not one but TWO chapters for you guys today. Enjoy!

Title: Insanity Underrated
Author: amidala_thrace
Previous Chapters: Can be read here.
Characters/Pairings: Kara/Lee, some Kara/Sam (both chapters are mainly Kara and the Cylons)
Word Count: 1,838 and 3,030 respectively
Spoilers: Through S2's "The Farm"
Rating: PG-13 for some disturbing themes
Summary: After getting shot in a skirmish, Kara lands in an old hospital where the doctors are not what they appear to be ... and learns something shocking about herself.
Author's Notes: In the second chapter, I introduce what will come to be a major plot point in this fic, and I have to say I'm quite nervous about it! It's been in the outline from the beginning, though, and I don't see any other way of saying what I want to say in this fic without it. I just hope you guys will trust me with it, to take the characters where they have to go while still keeping them in-character. :) Enjoy!

Read Chapter 8 here @ jedionpaper

Read Chapter 9 here @ jedionpaper

Fic: "Insanity Underrated" (BSG, Kara/Lee, 7/?)

2009-11-04T05:38:38Z

Yep, finally. Meant to have this posted way earlier, but I spent the evening ... otherwise engaged. Bleh. Anyway ... will crosspost to communities tomorrow during lunch hour when I'm not falling face-first into my computer keyboard from physical/emotional exhaustion. Heh.

Title: Insanity Underrated
Author: amidala_thrace
Previous Chapters: Can be read here.
Characters/Pairings: Mostly Kara/Sam this chapter, with many mentions of Kara/Lee
Word Count: 2,529
Spoilers: Through S2's "The Farm"
Rating: Hard R
Summary: The trouble was, she had chosen.
Author's Notes: I'm doing a sort of unofficial NaNoWriMo thing this month, wherein I attempt to write a specific number of words per day of one of my fic projects, and right now the benefactor happens to be Insanity Underrated. :D Which means you guys will probably (HOPEFULLY) be rewarded with more frequent updates. I'm really getting anxious to write more of S2's arc, and so I will be aiming to push through that this week. Crossing fingers that I succeed! This chapter is quite heavy on the Kara/Sam interaction but with tons of Kara/Lee mentions tossed in there (which is why I'm crossposting it to the K/L comms, same as always). K/L fans, don't fret: your turn is coming. And in a big, BIG way. Promise!

Read it here @ jedionpaper

Why so crazy, BSG fandom? An analysis.*

2009-10-25T01:19:24Z

All righty. I was going to hold my tongue on this. I was going to live and let live. But after some of the things I've seen and heard from fandom over the past few days, I can't help myself. I have to say something, even if it's short-ish, and even if it annoys some people on both sides.

I have to admit that I did not expect this kind of garbage - because that's truly what it is, garbage - from BSG fandom. I am not condemning all of the fandom. I'm sure there are some folks out there who, like me, are merely bemused and a little disgusted by the whole thing. I also need to preface this by saying that by and large, BSG fandom has been one of the most considerate, polite, open-minded, non-wanky fandoms I'm involved in. Maybe I just don't hang out in the wanky parts, or maybe I missed the wank, but either way, consider this: within a week of me starting to participate in SW fandom, I'd had my first flamer/batshit person, while I'd gone over a year in BSG fandom before I encountered anyone even remotely crazy, and said craziness wasn't even directed at me. It has been, for the most part, very refreshing.

The funny thing is, I've actually seen more batshit stuff since the end of the show than I ever did while it was running. And that's what I'd like to address - namely, what the hell happened?

Sure, a lot of people didn't like the finale. I didn't like the finale. But it seems like that was the dividing factor in BSG fandom. It seems, from what I've seen, that you either liked it or you hated it. There are very few people on the fence (again, from what I've seen). I believe that some of the people who liked it were a little bit too cocky, a little eager to shove that in the faces of those who were dissatisfied. I also believe that some of the people who disliked it seemed to feel that just because they hated it, all others should share their opinion. As you might imagine, there was a lot of nastiness on both sides toward each other.

There was also a lot of discussion about who had "won" and who had "lost." I saw statements bandied about like The A/R shippers won and The K/L shippers lost and The K/S shippers won and Kara lovers lost and Laura lovers lost and BSG women lost. And that raised a question for me, one that I'm still asking to this day.

Why does it have to be about "winning" and "losing"?

Look, people, this isn't a game. You don't get two points if your ship ends up being canon and there's no trophy if your favourite character survives. You can be happy, sure, and I'm denying no one their happiness. What annoys me is the same thing that's annoyed me about fandom ever since I became involved in it: people who want to foist their opinions/beliefs on others who do not share those opinions/beliefs. People who want to rub others' faces in the fact that one ship is canon or one character survived. I don't know why it matters so much. I don't know why there is so much obsession with gloating over someone else's perceived unhappiness or misfortune.

Sure, everyone likes a big healthy dose of schadenfreude. Goodness knows I'm enjoying mine at the moment at the expense of a hockey team called the Toronto Maple Leafs. ;) But that is different, in my view: that's sports, that is a game. But when you start berating others for not holding the same fandom opinion that you do, or laughing at them because their favourite character was killed and they're upset about that, you've crossed a line, in my opinion.

I should add that I haven't yet watched The Plan. I do not intend to do so until its official release on October 27th. (This is partly due to my own apathy over various real life things and partly because I feel so horrible for the creators and other folks who worked so hard on it that it was leaked - but that's a whole 'nother rant in and of itself. Heh.) I've heard various things about it, from various people, and I've also been privy to some of the wankstorm that's erupted in its wake. Some of that storm I've avoided due to my fear of spoilers, so I may not be getting the whole picture here. But this is what I see.

I see (some) Kara/Lee shippers upset because another pairing is apparently getting its moment in the sun. I see (some) Kara/Sam shippers gloating because there is more of a focus on their ship than there is on any other. I see both sides sniping at each other and acting immature and ridiculous. I see, in other words, people pissed because other folks don't share their opinions or don't like what they like. Same old story.

I see Kara/Lee shippers saying things like "K/S cannot be epic because Kara/Lee is the ONLY EPIC SHIP ALLOWED IN BSG!" And I want to yell at them to get the fuck off my side, because they sure aren't helping me present myself as a logical, non-batshit shipper. Just because your opinion is different from someone else's, it does not mean that you get to demean that different opinion or belittle its existence. The person who holds the different opinion has just as much right to hold it as you have to hold yours. For instance, I'm a multishipper. I like both Kara/Lee and Kara/Sam. Does that make me a delusional nutcase who ought to be thrown in an insane asylum? In the eyes of some people, yes. But I don't think so. I think it just means I've got a different opinion. So I like two supposedly mutually-exclusive couples! Should I be drawn and quartered for that? No! Because it's just a different opinion. I am not a threat to you just because I hold it. If you think I am, you need to get over yourself. (And hey, if we're going to get into semantics - well, karate0kat says it better than I ever could regarding the which-ship-is-more-epic debate, so why don't you go check out their post?)

I see Kara/Sam shippers saying things like "STFU K/L shippers, Kara/Sam won!" And I want to fucking disown them. PEOPLE. It is not about who won or lost. Sure, you interpret canon one way. What about those of us who interpret it - yes - differently? Again, we're not evil. We're not out to get you. We're not any threat to you. We just. Hold. A. Different. Opinion. That's all there is to it. (And hey, if we're going to get into semantics - Sam rode Galactica into the sun, and Kara poofed out of existence. How does that constitute winning? Sure, they might be together in the afterlife. But canon doesn't tell us that, and if we're basing our opinions strictly on canon, how can we definitively state that they ended up together?)

In any case, I am not here to debate semantics. I don't really take a position on either debate - which ship is more epic, and which ship "won." Because, as the above ought to indicate, I find both of those debates pretty damned pointless. Sure, they'll keep the fandom going for awhile. But they will also alienate us, divide us, cause friends to turn against friends. Who needs it? Who needs all the wank, the swearing, the personal attacks? Why does it have to be this way? Why can't we just return to our mature, responsive selves, who are open to discussion and to the consideration of different viewpoints within the context of the show?

Or am I just dreaming in Technicolor here?

I sincerely hope not, because I would like BSG fandom to return to the way it was when I first became involved in it. I like that aspect of fandom. It was what made me, for a time, consider possibly leaving SW fandom for greener and more peaceful pastures. I guess maybe now I'm getting to see the darker side, and I'm pretty damn sick of it already. All the virtual ink spilled in insulting and belittling each other and each others' ships isn't worth it. Trust me, it isn't. Joe Smith isn't going to change his opinion just because John Jones tells him that Ship A is better and he's an idiot for liking Ship B. It will only perpetuate the wank. And that, as we have seen, is a bad, bad thing.

Maybe everyone should just become a multishipper, like me! The icon is quite correct: we do complain less, I think.

But I'm not going to make you become a multishipper. Then, I would be forcing my opinion on you - and that's just not kosher, is it? ;)

*Insert requisite disclaimer here about all of the above being merely my opinion, this rant not applying to all BSG fandomers, etc. I have no desire to start even more wank, as should have been made quite clear. :)

Re: Tonight's game

2009-10-23T03:17:41Z

Dear Sens,

OH MY GODS.

I WILL BILL YOU FOR THE HEART MEDICATION I NOW REQUIRE.

And I will never, never, never, never lose faith in you guys ever again. Because seriously? After tonight, that would be utterly foolhardy.

Eternal optimism LIVES!

Fuck, I love you so much. Even though you ended up losing.

Adoringly,
Me

*goes to work on the ottawa_senators recap*

Fic: "To Ignite the Stars" (Star Wars, Obi-Wan/Padmé, 51/?)

2009-09-19T21:28:16Z

Well, hello there, Star Wars muse! Long time no see. I mean, really. Loooooooooooong time no see! Where have you been? What's that? On vacation in Hawaii?!?!?! How dare you go to Hawaii and leave the rest of us stranded here all crappy summer! Oh. That's right. I'd better be nice to you or else you'll just leave again.

*rolls out red carpet* *hands drink and orders pizza* *props muse's feet on pillows and gets huge fan thing and stands there fanning muse*

Oh, Star Wars muse, we are so glad you've decided to come back from vacation! *muttergrumble* stupid little creepy muse Please present us with a To Ignite the Stars update!

*ahem* Yes. Sorry, guys. I've recovered a bit of my ability to write SW, specifically TIS, and so I bring you a TIS chapter. I'm starting out slow here, hoping the muse doesn't decide it would rather be somewhere else again. I apologize for taking so long with this! Please enjoy.

Title: An Unexpected Friend
Author: amidala_thrace
Previous Chapters: Can be read here.
Characters/Pairings: Obi-Wan/Padmé, Luke, Leia, others
Word Count: 4,736
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “I can’t believe this,” Obi-Wan muttered. “Of all the places to run into you —”
Author's Notes: Guys, I am so, so sorry for leaving you all with that terrible cliffhanger for so long. It was in no way part of my plan to do so, and I am almost sure that there won't be such a long gap between chapters this time. As I told my BSG readers, July and August were really rough months for me personally and my writing suffered as a result. For those of you who know me, I think you will understand why this particular chapter and those to come were so difficult to write. However, I would never abandon this fic, and it's a credit to the hold that it has on me that I don't think I could ever abandon it, even despite the real life factors. And yes, I have a new username and a new TIS icon, but it's still me, and the fic is still the same. :) I'm really pleased with some of the things I was able to do in this chapter, and I hope you'll enjoy.

Read it here @ jedionpaper

Sometimes you're in the loop, and sometimes ...

2009-09-15T04:25:48Z

Well. You're not. ;)

I emerged from a haze induced by working frantically, with barely a break (and that one break was used to put up the next challenge at karastillness), plus toiling away on improvements to my various communities, to find out Patrick Swayze died. Um, wow. This will sound incredibly insensitive, but I hadn't even known he was ill. :( May he rest in peace.

In other news, I continue to fail at updating LJ, getting my stillness comms back onto anything resembling a sensible schedule, posting fic, writing, answering comments and ... well, basically everything. I'll get back on track someday.

I hope.

On the plus side, I have new icons! :D

Plays well with others

2009-09-02T17:54:35Z

So, finally updating again, kind of! Falling off the LJ wagon sucks, but I suppose I've sort of had reason to in the last few days/weeks. My life does seem to be settling down at least somewhat now, though, so I hope that will continue. I think I've earned a bit of quiet, heh.

To address something that's come up in a few PMs and comments from various folks, yes, I have heard about starwarsland, and in all probability I will not be applying or seeking to join. The fact of the matter is, I simply do not need or want another commitment right now, and since the comm is team-based, the chances are high that I would have to produce some kind of fanwork in order to stay a member. I have NO idea when I would find the time for that, since I am just barely keeping up with my regular stuff as it is. (Mind you, a TON of that is catch-up and resetting of schedules from the horrible summer I had, made harder by the fact that I'm working full-time, but even once that's done I'm still not too crazy about taking on something else.)

There are three other issues as well, ones that I need to consider. First is that I will not give up any of the commitments in which I'm currently engaged. I love all of them, and I really want to continue working on my stillness comms, the newsletters, my fics, etc. Ordinarily I have a certain schedule that allows me to accomplish all the tasks I need to for those, and I'm concerned about something else just tipping the load to a point where I can't handle it and it's not fun anymore. DO NOT WANT.

Second is the fact that for many months now, I have had a major fic project on the go in each of my two fandoms, and I am finding it increasingly difficult to focus on anything but those fics when I write. I don't make graphics regularly (i.e. I have to be in the mood, which doesn't happen often) and I don't vid (although it's my ambition this winter to learn, finally). That means that any fanwork-type contribution from me would have to be in the form of fic, and my muses are firmly pointed in the direction of To Ignite the Stars and Insanity Underrated right now. I doubt that chapters of an established fic would be acceptable for the team games. And yet, I can't write anything else. When I try, my mind invariably wanders back to TIS and IU. If I forced myself to write something else, it would turn out crap, and I would not be comfortable sharing it publicly. Again, not exactly a recipe for me to be a good team member! It's for this same reason that I won't be participating in the fall edition of bsgficexchange. Not to give, and not to receive. I had such trouble with my fic submission last time, even though it turned out basically okay, that it took all of the fun out of it for me and I just didn't want to do it anymore. Maybe I'll get back into fic exchanges after I finish Insanity Underrated, and maybe I'll join the Star Wars comm when TIS is done. But until then, nope.

Third and last, I have to think about the future. Obviously my fall will not end up looking like how I thought or hoped it might, which is something that I am still coming to terms with right now. (That's a whole 'nother post on its own, heh.) But there will be certain commitments, like doing the prediction posts and blogging games for ottawa_senators, that will come into play again this fall. There is also NaNoWriMo, in which I'm now hoping to participate. (With a few caveats - see above re me potentially not being able to write anything other than TIS or IU ...) Those things will also take time, time that I need to plan to expend. The good thing is that I won't have school to think about, for the first time in a long LONG time, and so once I arrive home after work, my time will - mostly - be my own to do with as I please, free of essays and papers and reading and such. That's why I can contemplate doing NaNo, where before I would almost certainly not have been able to seeing as many major assignments are due late October-early November. I've made plans for taking on NaNo and devoting more time to the Sens comm, and at the moment, yet another commitment does not fit in. I'm busy enough - just check out my profile for proof! ;)

Unless - and this is absolutely the only situation in which I would consider taking on something else - a certain stillness community focusing on a certain Girlfriend needed a new mod. But I seriously doubt that will happen.

It might seem silly to make a whole new post explaining why I won't be joining a comm, but as I said, it's just something I wanted to address since I've had several folks ask me about it. It's definitely a good thought, and I really appreciate you guys linking me to it and pimping it and so forth. :) But, at this point in time, it's just not for me. I hope those of you who join it have fun, though!

And, alas, I have now run out of time on my lunch break, and must head back to work. So, another friends-locked real life post to come this evening.

Personal canon: it's what's for dinner

2009-08-20T23:42:36Z

This post brought to you by LIZ NEEDS TO DISTRACT HERSELF RFN. Because you don't expect to find triggers on hockey of all places, and when you do ... it messes you the fuck up. Oyyyyyyyy.

So! A meme.

This one swiped from albumsontheside.

Pick a character, any character, from one of my fandoms [SW and BSG], and I will give you ten things from my own personal canon about them.

(I'll put up a real life-related post tonight - hell, it's even right here on my to-do list: "POST TO LJ!!!!!" As I said, just had to get this up now.)

Top Five

2009-08-19T22:08:41Z

Okay, I give. Heh.

Stolen from goodness only knows how many folks on my f-list.

Ask me my top 5 of absolutely anything, and I will discuss them in a separate post.

(Something resembling an actual post coming soon. ;))

Epic lulz were indeed had

2009-08-17T04:18:55Z

Arlene: "Please quit being so much more peculiar than you usually are!"

Terry: "Okay ... I'll try to be normally peculiar."

Liz: *... cracks the FUCK up* *spits copious amounts of coffee directly at her laptop because she is laughing so hard*

I just ... yeah, seriously, THIS NEEDS TO BE IMMORTALIZED HERE even if I have to be Spammy McSpamerson to do it. :D Gods but I do love True Blood. Tonight's episode, without being spoilery, was made of EPIC AWESOME WIN, and that show gets more terrific every time I watch it!!!

*cracks up again*

Yay rename tokens!

2009-08-15T02:59:58Z

So, wondering who this yahoo is suddenly showing up on your f-list? ;) Well, that would be me, Liz, the LJ user now formerly known as senatorsfan_ink. Renaming my journal was actually something I'd been planning to do for a little while, but events of recent months have made me even more certain that this is a change I need.

Originally, this account was for my writing, and since the journal that I first joined LJ with was called senatorsfan, senatorsfan_ink seemed a natural progression of my primary account. The "ink" part played up the writing thing, and the "senatorsfan" allowed me to keep the connection to the other username.

However, as many of you will know, this past December I transitioned fully to using this journal as both a personal and a fandom journal, because I'd started to post all my writing to jedionpaper. The "ink" suddenly seemed a little strange tacked on to the end, especially as its original purpose no longer applied. So I started to think at that point about a rename, and began batting around various ideas in my head.

The other part of this story is, of course, that I need a change. For various reasons related to my personal life I've begun to jettison certain things that were unpleasant reminders of the past, such as many/most of my icons involving children and babies. The special gift icon made for me by jedisakora and featuring a pregnant, ROTS Padmé is one that I will continue to treasure and always keep, but I knew when I looked at it that the time had come for both it and my username to go.

Therefore, I am now amidala_thrace. To those of you who know me, this username will be an absolute no-brainer, hehe. ;D I played around with various names I'd been considering, such as creative_jedi, caprican_jedi, karapadme, jedi_thrace, and jedifromdelphi. At one point I even considered caprican_nubian. But in the end, I knew - in both BSG and Star Wars fandoms, it has always been first and foremost about my Girlfriends, and I needed to reflect that. karapadme is okay, but not exactly what I wanted, and I like amidala_thrace better. More melodious. And so much more representative of me, of both my fandoms, and of the women that I will always adore and admire.

Otherwise, I'm still the exact same slightly insane Liz that you have all (hopefully!) grown to know and love. ;) I'm keeping all of you on my f-list, I still mod all of my communities, and nothing has changed with regards to the fandom newsletters. My username icons, plus one of my banners, are now out-of-date, so maybe - maybe? - someone will consent to make me some new ones at some point. ;)

One thing I can say for sure is that this one's here to stay. :D

Fic: "Insanity Underrated" (Battlestar Galactica, Kara/Lee, 6/?)

2009-08-14T04:05:44Z

A couple of days ago, the BSG muse tiptoed up to me, grabbed me by the collar and yelled in my ear, "SURPRISE BSG INSPIRATION IS SURPRISING!" So ... I went with it. And here is a brand-new Insanity Underrated chapter for your reading pleasure. :)

Title: Insanity Underrated
Author: amidala_thrace
Characters/Pairings: Kara, Lee, Helo, Kara/Lee and Helo/Athena mentioned
Word Count: 3,045
Spoilers: Through S2's "Valley of Darkness"
Rating: PG
Summary: “You think any situation can be fixed by running. But have you thought that maybe sooner or later, somebody’s gonna run fast enough to catch up with you?”
Author's Notes: So, believe it or not, I'm still around, I'm still working on this fic, and I'm still just as into pilots as I was before. July and the first half of August have been rough months for me personally and my writing has really suffered. I've been hard-pressed to be online, and when I have logged on, I've had to focus on the various and sundry communities I moderate, which are priorities. So my writing schedule has been shot to hell. Over the past week I've been rereading Insanity Underrated - plus another longfic project in a different fandom - to try and get back into the swing of things, and I have finally churned out a chapter that I deem acceptable. I will also reply to all your awesome reviews as soon as I can, promise! We're into Season 2, as you can tell by the "Spoilers" section of the header, and I'm equal parts excited and equal parts nervous about what's to come. Hope you guys enjoy!

Read it here @ jedionpaper

Green-eyed monsters

2009-08-12T18:18:04Z

the i-envy-this-about-you meme

Gods only know what anyone would envy about me right now, but why the hell not.

Baaaaaaaaaa ....

2009-07-31T01:10:57Z

The "You Should Write..." Meme!
my thread here

I am nothing but a sheep, LOL. Oh well.

*goes back to editing Chapter 51 of To Ignite the Stars*

Music to Write By, BSG-style

2009-07-03T03:46:00Z

This is partly for jeebs83 and partly for xkatie_kittenx, since both have requested at various points over the last few days to see the Insanity Underrated playlist ever since I mentioned that I was making one. I did something similar for TIS, as readers of that longfic will know, and I'm beginning to think that a barometer of how serious I am about a fic is whether I make a playlist for it. Heh.

Basically, I as a writer cannot seem to produce anything worth reading unless I listen to music while I am doing it - preferably music that has a lot to do (in my own mind) with whichever characters I happen to be writing about and their story. It's another of my idiosyncratic kinks, just like the fact that I need to have an outline before I start writing any longfic. Since I do make those outlines in advance of a single word getting written, the task of putting together a playlist is made a lot easier.

So. Here be the Insanity Underrated playlist. It is culled partly from my Kara playlist - which in turn heavily influenced my writing of The Sound of One Hand Clapping - and partly from the songs I tend to naturally listen to while I'm working on the fic. In most cases I've included only partial lyrics, but each song title is a link to the full lyrics if you want them. Some songs are further explained by my notes, but I've left others purposefully vague due to spoilers. Those of you who want to figure out their meaning or the reason they're included, put on your thinking caps! ;)

Oh, and the icon? Very, very, VERY relevant. And that's all I'll say for now.

Front Row - Alanis Morrisette
I am totally short of breath for you
Why can't you shut your stuff off ...
I'm in the front row, the front row, with popcorn
I get to see you, see you close up
... For a while while I'm speaking
You know how much you hate to be interrupted maybe spend some time alone
Fill up your proverbial cup so that it doesn't always have to be about you
I've been wanting your undivided attention I like the fact that you're nothing like me
Are you not burdened by the lack of perspective people have of your
charmed life (seemingly)?
I'm in the front row, the front row, with popcorn
I get to see you, see you close up
Hey I'm not mad at you guardian
I'm mad at myself for spending so much time with you and your jeckyl and hydeness
I'm glad I figuratively slapped you on the wrist
You laughed a wicked laugh and said "come here let me clip your wings!"
(I know he's blood but you can still turn him away you don't owe him
anything)
"Raise the roof!" you yelled "Yeah raise the roof!" I yelled back.
(Unfortunately you needed a health scare to reprioritize.)
No thanks to the soap box
Having me rile against them won't make an ounce of difference ...

(Kara/Lee, from his perspective - aside from the "I know he's blood ..." line, which is Kara. This song informed a metric ton of the S1 arc of Insanity Underrated, and I actually refer to it in my Author's Notes for the "Colonial Day" chapter. But it also applies to later parts of the fic, especially one particular line. And nope ... I'm not telling which.)

Before You - Chantal Kreviazuk
Baby, before you
Well, I was bad news
In lettin' me love you
I think I can get through

Oh, baby before you
Well, I was so scared
I was a train wreck waitin' to happen
On the way to nowhere

And now I think it's kinda funny that you say you love me
You tell me that I'm crazy then you smile

And now I think I'll get through
The end of the world
And now I think I'll get through
Bein' a girl
Now I think I'll get through
Anything
And now I think I'll get through

Ever since I met you on a cloudy Monday
I can't believe how much I love the rain

And now I think I'll get through
The end of the world
And now I think I'll get through
Life as a girl
Now I think I'll get through
Anything
Now I think I'll get through

(Kara/Lee from Kara's perspective this time around. I can't say much about this song, really, except that it's so THEM it hurts.)

Wunderkind - Alanis Morrisette
I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh
I am a ground-breaker naive enough to believe this
I am a princess on the way to my throne

I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh
I am a Joan of Arc and smart enough to believe this
I am a princess on the way to my throne

Destined to reign, destined to roam

(This song doesn't sound like Kara just from those lyrics, but it is. "Wunderkind" is actually from the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe soundtrack, but it fits my girl almost perfectly.)

Ultimate - Lindsey Lohan
You're it
You're the ultimate
It's automatic.
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cause I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you

You're the kind of guy whose hands in mine send shivers up and down my spine
You took my heart and put it back together again.

You're the kind of guy that blows my mind
But now it's my turn
You've been right in front of me
Everything I need
Why didn't I see

(I've never really been a fan of Lohan's, especially after she started pulling all the crap with drugs and so forth, but I love this song, and there's something about it that just screams K/L to me. :D)

Dark Road - Annie Lennox
It's a dark road
And a dark way that leads to my house
And the word says
You're never gonna find me there oh no
I've got an open door
It didn't get there by itself
It didn't get there by itself

There's a feelin
But you're not feelin' it at all
There's a meaning
But you're not listening any more
I look at that open road
I'm gonna walk there by myself

And if you catch me
I might try to run away
You know I can't be here too long
And if you let me
I might try to make you stay
Seems you never realise a good thing
Till it's gone ...
Maybe I'm still searchin'
But I don't know what it means
All the fires of destruction are still
Burnin' in my dreams
There's no water that can wash away
This longin' to come clean
Hey yea yea....

I can't find the joy within my soul
It's just sadness takin' hold
I wanna come in from the cold
And make myself renewed again
It takes strength to live this way
The same old madness every day
I wanna kick these blues away
I wanna learn to live again ...

(Poor Kara. She is damaged goods, no question about it. The trick is convincing her that she is good enough for Lee and that her being with him won't destroy him.)

Love Is Blind - Annie Lennox
Oh the grass is growin' greener
On the other side
Nothing else has meaning
When I got you on my mind
I so wanna see you
Don't they say that love is blind?
Oh love is blind
Love is blind

I got so much trouble gettin' into this
Can't decide if its hell or bliss
Sometimes I feel like I dont exist
Cut my veins and slit my wrists
Goodbye
Goodbye

That's all she wrote
As she tied that knot around her throat
Wipe my eyes
Dry my tears
Wait for you for a thousand years

Oh lover
Make me yours again
Even though your thrill is gone
All my feelings still remain
Even though your thrill is gone
I'm gonna love you just the same

Can't you see that I'm addicted
To the notion of a someone
Who could take me from this wretched state
Save me from the bitterness and hatred of humanity
It's so screwed up

Tired of bein' down on luck
Tired of bein' beaten up
Tired of bein' so screwed up
Tired of all this desperation
Tired of all this mad frustration
Tired of all the aggravation
Sick and tired of devastation
Give it some consideration

(Before I even shipped Kara/Lee, just when I was starting to watch BSG, I bought Annie Lennox's album "Songs of Mass Destruction" and was absolutely stunned at myself that I could link every single song, save one, right back to the series. It just boggled my mind. This is the Kara/Lee song, and the minute I heard it I said, "That's them, to a tee." Even in the context of Insanity Underrated, it works.)

Smithereens - Annie Lennox
I saw your picture
It made me sorry
For all the things
I never said
It seems that you
Have cause to worry
It seems that you
Don't wish me well

Behind the victim
Behind the trouble
Are all the things
You've not expressed
I see you standing behind your mother
I see you hiding behind her dress

So don't make me sad
I couldn't stand to watch you fall
'cause everybody has a tender heart
Remember this
I didn't mean to break it down to smithereens

I heard you crying
I learned the story
I saw the shadows behind the past
They fall behind you
And creep up slowly
We're only human
Behind the mask

So don't take me down
I couldn't stand to watch you fall
'Cause everybody has a broken heart
Remember this
I couldn't stand to break it down to smithereens

(Unpopular opinion is unpopular, but: I actually don't mind Dee. I think the writers did a horrible job with her character, and particularly with S4.5 it almost seemed to me like they woke up and said to themselves, "Oops, we've accidentally portrayed her as an evil sadistic OTP-destroying bitch, whatever shall we do? Oh, I've got it! Let's have her say one last goodbye to Lee and then, you know, off herself! That'll take care of things!" Unfair, because I think she could've gotten a much better lot both on the series and in fans' hearts. She deserves a much better lot. I originally kind of went along with the writers' portrayal and hated her. Then I heard this song, and my entire perspective changed. Total paradigm shift. Dee really just had the misfortune to be caught up in the whole Apollo/Starbuck debacle, and very few people emerged from that with their reputations entirely sanitized. I have a lot of sympathy for Dee and I think she endured so much more than she should have had to. And she got a piss-poor ending to boot. Someday I'm going to write a sympathetic!Dee fic, but until then, she will have a place in Insanity Underrated. Probably not one you expect, but nonetheless.)

Ghosts In My Machine - Annie Lennox
I've seen too much
I know too much
I hurt too much
I feel too much
I dread too much
I dream too much
I'm caught up by the ghosts in my machine

I'm bruised and battered by the storm
Can't find a place to keep me warm
My mind is broken and forlorn

I think too much
I do too much
I fall too much
I fail too much
I cry too much
I die too much
I'm haunted by the ghosts in my machine

Give me some of that medicine
To make me forget
(I can't find it)
I need something easier
(can't find it)
'Cause I ain't found it yet
I ain't found it yet
I ain't found it
No no no no

Oh womankind was born of pain
My soul keeps hurting just the same
Oh come and take this pain away

I give too much
Get used too much
I lose too much
Get bruised too much
I need too much
I bleed too much
I'm sleeping with the ghosts in my machine

I said I love you baby
Guess I always will
I said I love to baby
Guess I always will
I said I love you baby
Guess I always will

(If the last song was intended to be from Dee's point of view, "Ghosts In My Machine" is pure Kara. Again, the first time I heard this I stopped and said to myself, "That's my girl in a nutshell," and to this day I can't see it any other way. The "medicine" is, of course, booze. Heh.)

Through the Glass Darkly - Annie Lennox
I'm caught up in the middle
But I'll take it to the end
It's comin' back together
And it's breakin' down again
If I could find a reason
I'd say you were my friend
If I could find a reason
I'd say it once again

When I'm with you the days are bittersweet
Still I can't remember what it feels to be complete
I've tried pretending
But it drives me off my feet

I don't know what it's coming to
But I'm looking through
The glass darkly ... yeah

Bright lights
Come and go
Playin' blues songs on my radio
Shadows still appear
In the house tonight
Ooh yeah
Ghosts that come in from the past
All those ghosts that keep on comin' back
Slidin' through the walls
And my windows
Ooh yeah

("Through the Glass Darkly" is the title of the Kara journal I maintain for my claim at theatrical_muse, and again, it couldn't be a truer portrayal of her if it tried.)

Lost - Annie Lennox
This is the sound of those murderous drums
The marching of footsteps
The twisting of thumbs
Over and over
Again here it comes

We're lost
(baby come again don't let me fall)
We're lost
(baby come again despite it all)
Were lost
(baby come)
(baby come)

Tell me the story
'bout when you were young
I want to hear it again
Leave in the part
Where the hero gets stung
I want to savour it
I want to play it again

This is the sound of a baby's first breath
The dying of footsteps
The touching of flesh
To hold in your memory
To keep by your chest

(This song has the honour of being on both the Insanity Underrated and the TIS playlists, and is as I interpret it a really interesting look at post-traumatic stress disorder in the military. And that is really all I can say about it right now, heh.)

Coloured Bedspread - Annie Lennox
Bright lights are growing dim
I wanna hide again
The nights are cavin' in
On my coloured bedspread
I wanna drift so far
To slip out of the crowd
It doesn't matter how
On my coloured bedspread

You make the stars dissolve
Like sugar melting in my mouth

Some people come and go
But they won't ever know
About the things we do
On my coloured bedspread
I remember places I've been to
Remember things I never knew
Remember dreams that all came true
On my coloured bedspread

We make the stars collide
I touch the planets
Through your eyes

(Kara/Lee, from Kara's perspective. Can't really say much more, hehe.)

Big Sky - Annie Lennox
Big sky
I'm gonna hurt you
Big sky
You'll remember this
Big sky
Up above the rain
How can I ever put a stop to it?
Look you in the face again

Big sky
I'll never let you go
Big sky
Baby I told you so
Big sky
Look at this swollen pride
I got so busy lookin' out for you
When were you by my side?

When I'm breathin'
When I'm sleepin'
I can't think of nothing else
All my longing'
All my waiting'
All my wailin'
All my standin' on the shelf
How am I ever gonna get through this
Back to myself again?

(If I were the type to write songfics, which I definitely am not, I probably would have done one to this with Kara/Lee. As it was I'd been thinking of writing a fic inspired by this song and centred around the aftermath of the New Caprica encounter, but I haven't quite gotten around to that yet. "Big Sky" will have a very different meaning when it comes to Insanity Underrated, though.)

Fingernail Moon - Annie Lennox
Fingernail moon
Up in the sky
Come out and see me
See me sometimes
'cause I'm here alone
Stuck in the blue
No distance between us
Between me and you
I've got nothing to hide
I've got nothing to lose
You'll be by my side
C'mon tell me the truth

Elegant moon
You cut like a knife
It does me no favours
To stay out of my sight
Suspended like glass
All ancient and new
All of space lies between us
Between me and you
There's no need to be shy
There's no need to be scared
I need you tonight
Come on out if you dare

I'm just a girl with my feet on the ground
I'm just a girl with my head goin' round
I feel so sad
There's something unsettling under my skin
I don't know the reason or where to begin
Caught in the circles I've found myself in
But I want to reach out and touch you

(One of the few non-angsty songs. Heh.)

1234 - Feist
One, two, three, four
Tell me that you love me more
Sleepless long nights
That is what my youth was for

Old teenage hopes are alive at your door
Left you with nothing but they want some more

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, You know who you are

Sweetheart bitterheart now I can't tell you apart
Cosy and cold, put the horse before the cart

Those teenage hopes who have tears in their eyes
Too scared to own up to one little lie

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then
One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then

(Ahh, back to your regularly-scheduled angstiness. Hehe.)

Last Exit To Eden - Amanda Marshall
The walls are thin here in this motel room
Some fool is raging overhead
He's preaching the gospel according to
Johnnie Walker Red
Four hundred miles talking to myself
Me and your memory end up here
I tell myself I'm gonna be alright
But it's still not clear
Did I just miss
The last exit to Eden
Is this the only love I'll know
Like a Judas kiss
Did my heart betray me
Back on the road I never chose
There are some sins that you can justify
But not the one I'm guilty of
I had a choice one last chance ago
But I turned my back on love
Did I just miss
The last exit to Eden
Is this the only love I'll know
Like a Judas kiss
Did my heart betray me
Back on the road I never chose
I can hear a man upstairs, he's crying out
'Fall on your knees, the end is near'
We both may need a saviour, tonight I fear that mine
Is the one that I left waiting far from here

(Kara. Caprica. Beginning of S2. More need not be said, I think - or if I did, I'd be spoilery, LOL.)

Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
Oh baby don't you know I suffer?
Oh baby can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretenses
How long before you let me go?

You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

I thought I was a fool for no one
Oh baby I'm a fool for you
You're the queen of the superficial
And how long before you tell the truth

You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(Partly Kara/Lee from his point of view and partly my own relationship as the author with Insanity Underrated. I have a similar kind of love/hate relationship with TIS.)

Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

[Verse 1]
You’re so fine
I want you mine
You’re so delicious
I think about ya all the time
You’re so addictive
Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious
And Hell Yeah
I’m the motherfucking princess
I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right

[Bridge:]
She’s like so whatever
And you could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!

[Chorus:]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your girlfriend!
That's Right! No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
You know it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

[Verse 2]
I can see the way, I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time again and again
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear
I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again
(And again and again and again!)

(I'm not really a fan of Avril Lavigne's - in fact, I think she's dumber than a sack of hammers. However, isn't this song so Kara? Hehehehe.)

Today I Met The Boy I'm Gonna Marry - The Crystals
Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry
He's all I wanted all my life and even more
He smiled at me and the music started playing
Here comes the bride when he walked through the door
Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry
The boy who's life and dreams and love I wanna share
The boy whose on my hand a band of gold will bear
The band of gold I always dreamed I'd wear
When we kissed I felt a sweet sensation
This time it wasn't just my imagination
Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry
He's just what I've been waiting for oh yes
With every kiss it's as if my heart keeps saying
Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry

(*smiles* *zips lips* *whistles innocently* *remembers she can't whistle and hums instead*)

Call And Answer - Barenaked Ladies
You think I'm only here to witness
The remains of love exhumed
You think we're here to play
A game of who loves more than whom

And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I'll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I'll point you home

You think it's only fair to do what's
Best for you and you alone
You think it's only fair to do the same
To me when you're not home
I think it's time to make this something that is
More than only fair

So if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I'll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I'll point you home

But I'm warning you, don't ever do
Those crazy, messed-up things that you do
If you ever do
I promise you I'll be the first to crucify you
Now its time to prove that you've come back
Here to rebuild

(This is Lee's perspective on their relationship, and it's a pretty accurate one, I think. One line particularly jumps out at me: "Don't ever do/Those crazy messed-up things that you do/If you ever do/I promise you I'll be the first to crucify you." Yyyyyyyyep. Yet he's usually there to pick up the pieces anyway, heh.)

SuperGirl - Krystal Harris
Sometimes I have dreams
I picture myself flying
Above the clouds
High in the sky
Conquering the world
With my magic piano
Never being scared
But then I realize

[chorus:]
I'm supergirl
And I'm here
To save the world
And I wanna know
Who's gonna save me?
I'm supergirl
And I'm here to
Save the world
And I wanna know
Why I feel so alone

Seems like a dream
But there's one thing missing
Nobody's here with me
(Here with me)
To share in all that
I've been given
I need someone
That's strong enough for me

(Oh, Kara. When are you going to open your eyes and see that the person you want and need is right there in front of you???)

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers
When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you

If I get drunk yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you

When I come home yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you
When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream
Dream about the time when I'm with you

(Aww, Lee. Such a closet romantic, hehe.)

Lovers In A Dangerous Time - Barenaked Ladies
Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by?
We never get to stop and open our eyes
One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall
Next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all

Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time

These fragile bodies of touch and taste
This fragrant skin, this hair like lace
Spirits open to thrust of grace
Never a breath you can't afford to waste

Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time

When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Sometimes you're made to feel as if your loves a crime
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
You gotta kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight

(Pretty self-explanatory, unfortunately for Kara/Lee. But there's an undercurrent of hope there too!)

Street Fighting Man - The Rolling Stones
Ev'rywhere I hear the sound of marching, charging feet, boy
'Cause summer's here and the time is right for fighting in the street, boy
But what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for a rock 'n' roll band
'Cause in sleepy London town
There's just no place for a street fighting man
No

Hey! Think the time is right for a palace revolution
But where I live the game to play is compromise solution
Well, then what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for a rock 'n' roll band
'Cause in sleepy London town
There's no place for a street fighting man
No

Hey! Said my name is called disturbance
I'll shout and scream, I'll kill the king, I'll rail at all his servants
Well, what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for a rock 'n' roll band
'Cause in sleepy London town
There's no place for a street fighting man
No

(Because some people don't want to welcome their new Cylon overlords, dammit!)

Best Of Me - Amanda Marshall
Drop those flowers - back away slowly
You jumped in thinking this was holy water
Well surprise surprise
This is not a test
Welcome to the party
I've been on my best behaviour but I think it's time
You saw the other side

CHORUS
I'm a tough tough game that no one can master
I'm a tall tall tale no one believes
I'm a long dark night with no morning after
Lucky you
You get the best of me

Brand new day - honeymoon's over
Peace and quiet puts me in a coma anyway
It's just a waste of time
This is not a dream
Do you get the picture
I know I may seem peculiar
Baby gimme time

(This is Kara Thrace to a TEE, hehe. Look out, Lee!)

All Along The Watchtower - Bear McCreary
"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth."

"No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,
"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late."

All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.

Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl

(Well, duh. You knew this had to be on here - it's pretty much a no-brainer!)

Porcelain - Moby

(This is an instrumental song mostly, so no lyrics, but there is a hauntingly beautiful quality about it that never fails to get me every time. It also has a special meaning for Insanity Underrated.)

Brand New Day - Forty Foot Echo
Never thought I'd say I'm sorry
Never thought I'd be the one to bring you down
Now when I look out my window
But there doesn't seem to be anyone around

And I, I think I'll change my ways
So all your words get noticed
Tomorrow's a brand new day
Tomorrow's a new day

We said we'd take little time
For both of us to see
And wonder what it'd be like to carry on
Ya, I know I got crazy
Well I guess that's just me
If I could turn back time before
The wrong

And I, I think I'll change my ways
So all your words get noticed
Tomorrow's a brand new day
Tomorrow's a new day

(Can't say much about this one, but yep, it has a purpose. *grin*)

Me Vs. The World - Halo Friendlies
Hey boys, hey girls
Hey anybody who will listen to me
In case you haven't noticed
It's just me against the world today

I fell out of the wrong side of the bed
And landed in the worst mood
With that stupid alarm clock screaming at me
From across the room

I'm trying to be nice
I'm trying to be reasonable
But it's oh so hard when I don't wanna be
If you're looking for that nice girl
From the day before
Don't bother, she don't live here anymore

Cause it's me against the world
(Oh what a stupid day)
Yeah, it's me against the world
(Just stay out of my way)
And in case you haven't noticed
And in case you haven't heard
It's just me against the world
And the world is winning

You should have let me stay in bed
I've got this pounding in my head
No nothing's okay
Won't you stay out of my face today?
I'm slamming doors
I'm slamming phones down
Watch out for
This temper tantrum
Stay out of my way
Cause if you don't, you will be scared away

(When Kara's in a bad mood, you don't want to be on the same ship, let alone in the same room. Hehe.)

It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing - Shania Twain
Hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
I'm doin' fine now - I've finally moved on
It's not so bad - I'm not that sad

I'm not surprised just how well I survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain - I'm free again

And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath - to forget

Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right
I've never looked back - as a matter of fact

And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath - to forget

It only hurts when I breathe

(This song will be absolutely heartbreaking in the context of Insanity Underrated, and I tear up practically every time it comes on. Yep, I'm just a big ol' sap, hehe. But still. Ouch ouch ouch - almost physical pain.)

Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad - Moby

(Another instrumental, but one that's lovely and ethereal and sad all at the same time.)

One Week - Barenaked Ladies
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

(This song is specific to Kara/Lee, and while I associate different parts of it with either Kara or Lee, when taken together it's a pretty good picture of their relationship, heh.)

Empty Sky - Bruce Springsteen
I woke up this morning
I could barely breathe
Just an empty impression
In the bed where you used to be
I want a kiss from your lips
I want an eye for an eye
I woke up this morning to the empty sky

Empty sky, empty sky
I woke up this morning to an empty sky
Empty sky, empty sky
I woke up this morning to an empty sky

Blood on the streets
Yeah blood flowin' down
I hear the blood of my blood
Cryin' from the ground

Empty sky, empty sky
I woke up this morning to an empty sky
Empty sky, empty sky
I woke up this morning to an empty sky

(Another utter heartbreaker. Ugh. I feel so badly for the person who will be experiencing the emotions described in this song. >.>)

If I Didn't Have You - Amanda Marshall
I don't know what I was thinking
'Til I was thinking of you
I don't remember a thing before I opened my eyes
And you came into view
I don't know what I was doing
When there was nothing to do
Must've been waiting for someone, baby
Now I can see - I was waiting for you

I'd give up my sight just to see you
I'd beg, I would borrow and steal
I'd cut off my hands just to touch you
And tear out my heart so you'd know how I feel
There's nowhere that I wouldn't follow
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
'Cause I wouldn't wanna be me
If I didn't have you

Driving myself to distraction
Until you got in my way
I was just whistling Dixie 'til you struck up the band
And they started to play
I don't know how I was living
Until you came in my life
I always knew there was something wrong
Then you came along
Baby, you made it right

I was alone in the silence
'Til I was hearing your voice
I couldn't see my way clear until you parted the clouds
And you gave me a choice
I couldn't pick up the pieces
'Til I was falling apart
I didn't know I was bleeding
'Til your love fixed this hole, baby, here in my heart

(You might think that this song is descriptive of the Kara/Lee relationship. Well, on that point you would be wrong. It has to do with Lee and Kara, but not with their relationship. More would be too spoilery, so I'll leave it at that.)

I'm Jealous - Shania Twain
If I were the moon, I could
catch your eye - I'm jealous of the moon
If I were the wind, I would
make you fly - I'm jealous of that too

I wish I were the sun shining
on your face - caressing like a lover
I would wrap you in a warm embrace -
we'd be holdin' one another
(I'm jealous of the sun)
I'm jealous of the sun
(Jealous of the sun) Oh,
I'm jealous of the sun

Oh, I don't wanna share you with
nothing else - I gotta have you to myself
Oh - I can't help it - I'm so in love -
I just can't get you close enough, no

When the sun's on your skin -
I can't hold it in
And I know it's a sin -
but I'm jealous of the sun

I wish I were the rain runnin' down your
neck - and drippin' from your fingers
Then I could be the drops rollin' off your
back - I'd love to let it linger
(Jealous of the rain) Oh,
I'm jealous of the rain

(Non-angst! Very very refreshing.)

Fall From Grace - Amanda Marshall
Lost inside this angeltown
Lost like I could not be found
No connections of the heart
Love was glass that broke apart
Gimme faith in dreams
And someone to hold
Gimme love 'cause I'm out here in the cold
There are no secrets
No angels at my door

And oh, when you touch my hand
I fall from grace
And oh, when you reach for me
I fall from grace

On a steeltown boulevard
Life's a promise that doesn't last
Resurrections of the past
Children come and are gone so fast
So gimme faith in love
Baby tonight
Gimme arms to hold you here so tight
There are no secrets
No angels at my door

(Can't say much about this one, but it is relevant to Insanity Underrated. Very relevant.)

Angel - Sarah McLachlan
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

(Some of you might know why this song is here, and I'll neither confirm nor deny anything at this point. Hehe.)

Into The Fire - Sarah McLachlan
Mother teach me to walk again
Milk and honey, so intoxicating

I'm reunited
Into the fire
I am the spark
Into the night
I yearn for comfort

Open the doors that lead on into Eden
Don't want no cheap disguise
I follow the signs marked "back to the beginning"
No more compromise

And into the fire
I'm reunited
Into the fire
I am the spark
Into the night
I yearn for comfort

Free the water that carries me to the sea
You, I see as my security

And into the fire
I'm reunited
Into the fire
I am the spark
Into the night
I yearn for comfort

I will stare at the sun until its light doesn't blind me
I will walk into the fire 'til its heat doesn't burn me
And I will feed the fire

(I love this song, and it's here for a reason. More than that, I can't say. This must be driving some of you nuts, LOL.)

Metamorphosis One - Philip Glass

(Another instrumental, but BSG fans will know exactly why it's on here. Wouldn't be a playlist involving Kara without it!)

And if you got through all that, I think you deserve a medal! Hehe. ;)

Fic: "Insanity Underrated" (Battlestar Galactica, Lee/Kara, 5/?)

2009-06-26T01:05:28Z

Long live the BSG muse! At least for now. ;)

Title: Insanity Underrated
Author: amidala_thrace
Previous Chapters: Can be read here.
Characters/Pairings: Lee/Kara
Word Count: 2,722
Spoilers: Through S1's "Kobol's Last Gleaming" for this chapter
Rating: PG
Summary: Was this really what severing her ties with Lee Adama was going to be like?
Author's Notes: See icon. "Love hurts" is essentially (and unfortunately) kind of the theme for this chapter, and it refers to both physical and emotional hurt. We're nearing the end of Season 1 here, folks, and while I'm rather nervous about plunging into the S2 plotline, I am nonetheless prepared to jump in with both feet. Thanks for all your lovely reviews on the last chapters! :D

Read it here @ jedionpaper

RIP Lorena Gale, Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T23:31:35Z

I'm almost afraid to ask who's going to shuffle off this mortal coil next! Callous perhaps, but this is a one-two-three punch that's left me quite shocked. I was sad enough about Lorena Gale, who of course played Elosha on BSG, that Farah barely registered. And unfortunately, she in turn will be overshadowed many, many times over by Jackson's death. Talk about a punch to the gut.

All the retrospectives they're now doing on TV are making me feel old. Holy crap. He was certainly a character, but I did like some of his songs - "Thriller" and "Billie Jean" in particular. The minute it came on the news Andrew and I started talking about how this would probably be comparable to when Elvis died, which neither of us were alive for but which we've heard about many times. And then a newsreader said the exact same thing.

I just ... yeah, it feels really unbelievable right now. So much death for one day (though I do know that Gale actually passed on Saturday). May all three of them rest in peace. :(

This can never, ever be said too often!

2009-06-16T18:48:01Z

If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

Everybody's doing it ...

2009-06-16T01:44:36Z

(Icon is used because it's one of two multifandom ones I have, and besides, I adore it. :D)

All righty, enough angst. ;) I'm in the midst of both working on fic and replying to comments, but I've been meaning to put this particular poll up for quite some time, and hey - there's no time like the present, right?

I've seen this on a number of f-list journals, and the basic idea is this: an author takes a fic they've written and basically writes a DVD-style commentary about it. If you've ever listened to the commentary track on a DVD, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. The director (or fic author) discusses why they made the creative choices they did, what inspired a particular scene, what they thought about while filming/writing, etc. There's a movement afoot to write commentaries for fics, and I'm wondering what you guys would think of me doing one (or several). Incredibly, boorishly self-indulgent, or actually somewhat interesting? Below is an informative poll that asks you to decide and, should you vote yes, requests that you pick one or more fics that you'd most like me to provide commentary on.

A few notes with regards to the fics included: 1) I haven't listed either of my works-in-progress. Both Insanity Underrated and the 50-chapter monster are, for the purposes of this exercise, unfortunately off-limits. Because I haven't completed To Ignite the Stars or Insanity Underrated, I have doubts about my ability to reliably comment on them - and in some cases, it would be difficult to do so without mentioning huge spoilers for upcoming plot points in both. That's not to say I would never write commentaries for these fics, just that I'm not able to do so right now. Maybe in the future! 2) The fics listed in the second part of the poll are the ones I'm willing/able to comment on at the moment. I don't list all the fics I've ever written, partly because ticky-box polls have limited boxes and partly because some of my earlier stuff is so jaw-droppingly bad that I should probably just pull it off the internet altogether. However, if there's a fic not listed here for which you really want to see commentary, do mention it in the comments, and I'll consider it. 3) Commentaries, if I do them, will be posted to jedionpaper and linked back here, so no worries about missing them. The anal part of me just wants to keep everything organized.

View Poll: Fic Commentary by Liz

Any other questions, comments, or other gripes about this exercise? Throw 'em at me in comments and I'll see what I can do. :)

Fic: "Insanity Underrated" (Battlestar Galactica, Lee/Kara, 4/?)

2009-06-12T20:54:13Z

When my BSG muse decides to be productive, she gets really, REALLY productive. Heh.

Title: Insanity Underrated
Author: amidala_thrace
Previous Chapters: Can be read here.
Characters/Pairings: Lee/Kara, brief one-sided Baltar/Kara
Word Count: 3,331
Spoilers: Through S1's "Kobol's Last Gleaming, Part I" for this chapter
Rating: NC-17 for a brief sexual scene
Summary: He took a deep breath, telling himself to just go with whatever came out of his mouth, no matter the consequences. It would be honest, and that was important.
Author's Notes: Thanks for your lovely reviews on the last few chapters! I'm taking advantage of a big burst of BSG-related inspiration to pound out as many chapters of this fic as I can, and it's going really well so far - though I would of course never abandon IU. It's something that I just have to write. This particular chapter has been sitting on my hard drive since about late March, but only half of it was written and it was an absolute MESS, so I've prettied it up significantly and added a lot of material. Parts were heavily inspired by Alanis Morrisette's song Front Row, despite the fact that this obviously isn't a songfic. Something tells me I'm going to end up making an Insanity Underrated playlist one of these days. ;) And as for the ending, please don't kill me? It's pilots, so you know things are a bit screwed up. Heh.

Read it here @ jedionpaper

Fic: "Insanity Underrated" (Battlestar Galactica, Lee/Kara, 3/?)

2009-06-05T04:17:42Z

As promised. *grins* Will crosspost to communities and such tomorrow when I'm not falling over with exhaustion. Heh.

Title: Insanity Underrated
Author: amidala_thrace
Previous Chapters: Can be read here.
Characters/Pairings: Lee/Kara, others mentioned
Word Count: 2,908
Spoilers: Through S1's "Colonial Day" for this chapter
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Dammit, he wasn’t going to fall for this again. And yet …
Author's Notes: Yeah, I really fail at updating (and at answering reviews) on time, but I'm hoping to rectify both of those things over the next month or so. School ate my brain for awhile there, what with it being my graduating year, and my muse also went on an extended and unscheduled vacation. Heh. But, as proof that I still do plan to take this fic places, I've come back to it, and I'd like to have the S1 arc finished by the middle of next week. We'll see how good I am at actually, you know, doing that. This chapter is again mainly from Lee's perspective, and the dialogue at the end will be familiar (it's from "Colonial Day"). It might seem mostly like a bridge chapter, and it sort of is, but some important things happen which will set up events for future chapters. Enjoy!

Read it here @ jedionpaper

Yay writing rambles!

2009-05-29T22:16:54Z

(I started typing this at work when it was relatively slow this afternoon and Twitter was broken, and I'm now finishing it at home. Heh. I pretty much fail sometimes, heh.)

I've been thinking some more about bsg_bigbang, and I have to say that I am leaning towards not signing up. It would suck on one level because I wouldn't have the fun of participating and seeing my fic made into icons and vids and so forth, but at this point I'm just not sure whether making Insanity Underrated into a bsg_bigbang work would be the best thing for the fic. For one thing, it would delay it being posted until November-ish, when online stuff will not be first and foremost in my mind, and when interest in BSG fics may have dimmed significantly. I don't like to think of the fandom potentially dying, but it's a possibility I need to plan for. And it's not even about the reviews - far from it. If that were the case, I'd have abandoned TIS a long time ago. I just think that posting Insanity Underrated while there is significant continuing interest in BSG fandom would be more fun, and there's better potential for that to be the case now as opposed to in November.

The other thing is that I seem to have at least partially rediscovered my inspiration to write Insanity Underrated. Now, signing up for bsg_bigbang wouldn't necessarily preclude me working on it right now, but it would preclude me posting Chapters 3 and 4 once I've edited them, as well as any future chapters. And I'm not sure whether waiting to post a longfic until it's done is really my style. I did that with The Sound of One Hand Clapping, but that was kind of a special case. I didn't originally intend that to be a longfic, and it wasn't until it was about three-quarters done that I did a word count and realized, "Whoops, I'm going to need to post this in multiple chapters." Insanity Underrated was a multi-chapter longfic from the start, and I never had any illusions that it would be anything else.

I wasn't sure at first why I lost my inspiration to work on it, but that was one of the only reasons I had considered signing up for bsg_bigbang. (The other had to do with the special icons and vids, but I'm sure that if I really want icons from it, I can hit up the lovely folks on my f-list. :D) I thought it might keep me on track as far as writing Insanity Underrated goes, but I'm now starting to realize that a lot of my anxiety towards the fic had to do with a major plot point that's going to come into play in the S2 arc, and whether said plot arc would be believable and true to character. I think it will, so long as I handle it carefully, but it's going to mean a few changes to the canon arc of Season 2. I just hope I can do those well, and that folks will forgive the long period of time between chapter updates. Heh.

As far as To Ignite the Stars is concerned, I posted Chapter 50 last night, so I am just a little proud of myself. I knew it was going to have to go at least 50 chapters length-wise, but what I didn't know was whether I'd be able to keep up my interest in the fic. That's been a problem for me in the past - I don't know how many writing projects I've started and then subsequently abandoned because I lost interest or got bored. With TIS, though, I soon discovered that it was a story I had to tell. I didn't really have a choice as to whether to write it or not; it was going to make its way out regardless. I've learned a lot about myself while working on it, and I'm sure I'll learn even more before it's finished. Ideally, I would like that to be in October, which is another reason that going out for bsg_bigbang might not be the slickest idea. TIS is very important to me, and it tends to try and snatch my attention away just when I'd prefer to be working on something else. It usually succeeds, too - let's just say I have like zero willpower when it comes to that sort of thing. Heh.

Right now I am once again being pulled between two projects, and while Insanity Underrated is currently winning, I don't want to leave TIS un-updated for very long, at least not as long as I'm working my way through the current plot arc. The last chapter ended on a crazy cliffhanger, and even though that was mostly by design, I get the feeling I'll have some very freaked out readers if I don't update soon. ;) It's wonderful to know that they're so wrapped up in the story, though. While the response to To Ignite the Stars has been small, those who read it leave some amazing and very flattering reviews, and although I emphasize again that my world does NOT revolve around comments, it is nonetheless wonderful to know that something in which you've put your heart and soul is being so well-received. Which reminds me, I really need to respond to those comments on the Anonymous Feedback Meme. Yet more proof that I fail, heh.

I have stillness community stuff to do tonight - lots of it - but I will in all probability squeeze some writing in there somewhere. Along with more True Blood. SO glad Andrew and I decided to do a Season 1 rewatch before the S2 premiere on June 14. I LOVE ALAN BALL ~~and I don't care who frakking knows~~. *grins*